Ask a Liberal

Hey Lib,
What about this Blagojevich? You guys are as corrupt as the Republicans.   
Yrs, GOP and Proud in Bardstown, KY

Hey Lib,
Is Obama going too far holding all these press conferences? He’s acting like he’s the president.    
Concerned in Ithaca, NY

Dear Concerned,

Why shouldn’t he? George Bush has been acting like he’s the president for eight years. Besides, Obama’s press conferences serve two useful functions: they reassure the markets that Obama is going to do something about the economy, and they reassure the markets that George Bush is NOT going to do something about the economy. If you don’t think Bush can make things any worse with misguided efforts, think again. If that man was at the helm of the Titanic, the ship would have been on fire before it sank. And everyone would have had salmonella. Oh, and the distress call would have put their location as somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico.

The only thing of consequence that George Bush has done in the past month is to pardon the Thanksgiving turkeys, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to screw that one up. His photo-op turkeys were probably accidentally shipped to Butterball as soon as the ceremony was over. Or they were sent to Alaska to serve as the macabre backdrop to a Sarah Palin interview.

Obama should get as much face time as possible. It just makes people feel better about the future. Let’s face it, being reminded that Bush is still technically president is not good for anyone. It’s like boarding an airplane and seeing Gary Busey in the cockpit… sipping on a pint of Old Grandad. Oh, and the co-pilot is Nick Nolte.

Of course, Obama isn’t in office yet, and he really can’t do anything at this point except reassure people. Still, if his actions send the message that nobody is really in charge, that’s still a step up from having George Bush in charge.

Yours,
Frederick Douglas Trotsky-Goldman

Hey Lib,
What’s the liberal take on Thanksgiving?    
Gobbler in Braintree, MA

Dear Gobbler,
Thanksgiving is a holiday founded on the concept of human suffering, but that’s just because you have to spend it with your family. But in terms of political correctness, Thanksgiving is a harder call than, say, Halloween, which is an almost Marxist redistribution of candy. One is bound to have misgivings about Thanksgiving if you’re a Native American…or a turkey.

Thanksgiving was of course begun by the Pilgrims, a group that fled religious persecution and went somewhere they could inflict religious persecution on others. It doesn’t seem to have occurred to the Pilgrims that, whatever heathen gods the Indians were praying to, those gods were doing a better job than the Pilgrims’ God when it came down to bringing in a bountiful harvest.

Hey Lib,
Does the auto industry deserve a bailout?   
Sincerely,
Tailfin in Ypsilanti, MI

Dear Tailfin,

Of course the auto industry does not deserve a bailout. Whether or not they should get one is another question entirely. People constantly get things they don’t deserve—it’s the reason Hank Williams, Jr. has a career. The big question is what action best serves the common good. In the case of Mr. Williams, that would mean a graceful retirement. The case of the auto industry is more complex.

Hey Lib,
OK wise guy—to paraphrase Robert Redford in “The Candidate,” “What do you do now?”  
Sincerely,
Still Red in Visalia, CA

Dear Red,
First thing I do is google the phrase “hangover cures.” You might want to do the same thing. Since your drinking isn’t celebratory, I have a feeling it might last the next four (or hopefully, eight) years. I know how you folks love your Jack Daniels, but you might want to stick to the clear liquors—they’re a lot easier on the internal organs.

And if you’re like your red brethren, you may be heading down to the local firearms dealer. Gun shops around the country are reporting sales of up to seven times the average in the days after the election. I find it ironic that Obama was pilloried for saying that many Americans cling to guns and religion, but then as soon as the race was called for Obama, the McCain voters reached out for their 9 millimeter security blankets. It seems Obama was right about the “guns and religion” thing—well, at least the “guns” part. I’ll wait and see if there’s an uptick in church attendance.  

We liberals are more likely to see these things as part of a pendulum swing of decades-long cycles of Republican damage and Democratic repair. No one party is dominant for long. If conservatives ran this country continuously, we would slip into a scenario like “The Road Warrior,” with the difference that Mel Gibson wouldn’t be one of the good guys.

Dear Lib,
Now that Obama is our nation’s first African American president, does that mean racism is a thing of the past?
Yours truly,
American Hopeful

Hello Hopeful.

My immediate answer is no. After much thought, my answer is no. Think about this—it took America forty-four attempts to elect its first African American president. That means we had forty-three white guys before there was any change in the White House. Forty-four white guys to one black guy—there’s still some catching up to do.

Also, there’s still the “issue” of Reverend Wright. Prior to Election Day, media, pundits, and ordinary citizens were able to demonize or allow Reverend Wright to be demonized for his “outrageous” comments simply because he is black. There are plenty of white pastors out there who’ve made extremely controversial comments and weren’t treated the same as Wright (Hagee, Robertson, Falwell). Even this morning on Good Morning America, a video clip was played of Reverend Wright speaking at the Kingdom Life Christian Church. Wright said:  

“We've come a long way and we have a long way to go, and I hope this conversation tonight is one of the many steps. Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Barack Obama -- their success should not lull us to sleep.”