Schadenfreude. Satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune. Leave it to the Germans to coin a term involving vicarious enjoyment over seeing someone suffer. But we all love it and love to feel it. Comeuppance, baby. We just love to see some pol get caught red-handed, especially when he’s a two-faced hypocrite caught with his pants down. Literally and figuratively. (And it’s always a he.)

Take Vito Fossella (please!), the only New York City Republican Member of Congress. Self-righteous Republican Janus-faced windbag. Caught allegedly DUI but it gets worse: he’s two families. Mr. Family Values. It makes us want to puke. This is the character who reportedly voted against same-sex marriage legislation and snubs his own gay sister and her partner. Goodbye and good riddance, right? Well, not so fast. He seems to be pulling a Hillary and won’t step down, even though everyone’s pleading with him to leave. But he will. He has to. Seems that we in this country have no tolerance for or understanding of extramarital sexual dalliances. Especially when said dalliance results in a child. Who lives with her mother. Secretly. In Virginia. Which is for lovers, remember? (Why am I writing in telegraphic sentences?)

But why? Look, this fellow’s no prize unless you’re a counterfeit conservative or Neanderthal -- no offense intended to Neanderthals. The very fact that someone so intolerant can garner so much favor in a party says a lot about that party. He’s a dinosaur, a very mean one at that who would turn his back on a sister who happens to love a woman. You’d think Vito could relate. He’s a close-minded paragon of intolerance. A hypocritical symbol of intolerance who happens to agree with scores of like-minded intolerant constituents.

But what does an extramarital dalliance have to do with his ability to serve? Does anyone care if their cardiologist is loyal to his marital vows? I just don’t get it. (But apparently Vito does.)

Look, the facts are that he was caught allegedly drunk behind the wheel and DUI’s are serious and wrong and yada, yada, yada. Fine. We know that. But what people will be reacting to is his sexual dalliance. Why? Because we have the sexual sophistication of a nine-year-old. We might as well point and simultaneously say a collective and accusatory “Eeeeewwwwwww.”

Let’s not confuse Vito with El Numero Nueve, former New York Governor and self-styled Sheriff of Wall Street, Eliot Spitzer. This is a very different story. Spitzer was caught on a wiretap negotiating for a trollop and it has been alleged that he violated wire fraud and money laundering statutes. But, who are we kidding? Folks centered on the sex allegations. The sex. “Eeeeewwwwwww.” Sex with a hooker. A real expensive one at that.

France seems to have handled their political sex dalliances more maturely. They take them in stride. Remember Francois Mitterand’s funeral where his wife, kids, mistress, love child, all were present? No big deal. Just imagine the furor here if that happened here. Just imagine the hypocrite’s hypocrite Bill O’Reilly and his reflections. Why, he’d come unglued! It’s not the same as having phone sex involving ideations of falafel loofas, mind you.

Remember, we impeached one of the greatest President's ever because he lied about getting a hummer, which by definition requires that a lie be given when asked anent the rumor’s validity. To tell the truth would be un-American.

For all we know, Vito could have been a great Congressman. An asset to his constituents. It is possible. But no. Nope, fool around on your wife and you’re toast irrespective of your accomplishments and talent. Do a half-ass job but remain the moral exemplar and you’re in. Happen to possess a wide stance in an airport men’s room and . . . well, that’s another story.

How silly. How insane. How typically American.