Stephen Colbert Takes On Gay Duck Marriage (VIDEO)

After a week off, Stephen Colbert returned to the air last night to talk gay duck marriage and eviscerate its opponents.

Focusing on "Everything But Marriage," a piece of legislation recently passed in Washington state in which civil unions for same-sex couples are given the exact same rights as married couples, Colbert opens with a scathing speech:

"Yeah, they call it "Everything but Marriage," but I say if it looks like a duck, and files a joint tax return like a duck, and gets to visit its duck partner in a duck hospital, you might as well register at the duck Pottery Barn because it is gay duck marriage."

Naturally, the legislation was met with some seriously disappointed opponents who signed a petition with the hope of overturning the law. However, Protect Marriage Washington--the group that organized the petition--has refused to hand over the signatures because, well, they want to protect their members' right to privacy. Which is where Colbert comes in and turns the whole thing on its head.

"Folks, this is a terrible invasion of the petitioners' privacy. If those names are released, we would all then know the signers' sexual orientation orientation. By which I mean, their orientation about other people's sexual orientation...

Now some say, "Hey, too bad. They chose to sign this petition." Folks, I don't believe it is a choice. I believe you're born thinking gays don't have the right to get married... And the gays have no right to out those people."

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