In the latest Hayden/Doh! poll conducted between now and 5 minutes ago by asking my invisible friends, Hillary is likely to win West Virginia’s primary by elebenty bazillion points tomorrow. Which will gain her 3/4ths of a delegate but will bolster her argument to superdelegates that Obama can’t connect with eighth grade dropouts who marry their cousins and flirt with sheep unless they find out he’s really half-white and has a crush on Mrs. O’Leary’s cow.

The poll also found that:

52% of West Virginians don’t understand why Mexicans aren’t trying to steal their jobs in the coal mines.

63% say the Hatfields had it coming to them.

98% have heard their university has a monorail and 97% think it’s a vaginal cream.

2% think Obama’s 49-state strategy is to coast past West Virginia and try to reduce the Clinton margin in Kentucky so he can declare victory after winning Oregon by 12%, after which, he’ll expend more effort in Puerto Rico just because Yes He Can.

And 38% think bologna sammiches will do just fine for lunch, after which they’ll kick some tofu-eating college hippie elitist ass.

Local rap musician Cleminem summed up West Virginian attitudes as “fuck man, they don’t even get the jokes, so why bother insulting them? They only use the internets for nekkid pictures of well-sheared lesbian lambs and Shari Lewis’ swinging udders.”

Update: What does it mean when it’s titled ‘Clinton Creaming Obama in Kentucky’ ? I mean, ewwwwwwww! It sure sounds sexyist to me, if Obama’s into that sort of thing.