Mr. Medved's Science

By Gen. JC Christian
Mr. Medved's Science

Dear General Christian,

Have conservatives completely abandoned science? Why aren't there any great conservative evolutionary theorists or climate scientists.

Doc in Draper

Dear Doc,

I'm surprised you aren't familiar with the work Michael Medved's been doing in eugenics. Why just this week, he published a paper on America's genetic greatness in the prestigious Townhall on-line journal.

According to Medved, America is great because we carry the genes of ancestors who had the courage to risk everything in order to better their lives. That's why they came here.

He also points out that black people don't have these genes because their ancestors were slaves. According to Mr. Medved, that's why we have racial tensions; their genes can't compete.

Although he doesn't mention it, I suspect he may have developed his theory after studying his own family roots. The Medved line originates out of the Ukraine. "Medved" is a descriptive name that derives from a Ukrainian-Yiddish word that means, roughly, "that asswipe who rants from the closet." From what I gather, generation upon generation of Medved men lived up to that description. Indeed, they could do nothing else. It was their biological destiny.

It wasn't easy to be a village's medved. People quickly lose patience with "asswipes" who lob self-righteous rants at them from hidden positions. So for centuries, the Medved family was driven from shtetl to shtetl until finally, in 1907, the people of Melvin Medved's village drugged him and dumped him onto a boat bound for America.

And that brings me back to where I started. The best evidence for Michael Medved's theory is Mr. Medved, himself. The medved gene is strong in him. No doubt, thousands of Americans who have no inkling of his surname's etymology have found themselves muttering about "that asswipe who rants from the closet."

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The General publishes the blog, Jesus General, and operates the Cafe Wellstone in Second Life. He can be reached at gen.jc.christian@gmail.com and JC Christian on Skype.

Medved has a history with this stuff

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0801/13/rs.01.html

CNN RELIABLE SOURCES

January 13, 2008

KURTZ: But some black leaders in South Carolina and elsewhere, Michael Medved, have taken offense at Bill Clinton's comments as if he was talking about Barack Obama's civil rights record or his whole candidacy. And it seems that's very different from what Clinton said and what the press reported that he said.

MEDVED: Well, yes, but there is that element. I mean, when you say "fairy tale," the question is, which fairy tale you have in mind. Rachel mentions Camelot. I think it's more Cinderella, which is the idea that the clock strikes midnight, which who knows which primary that's going to be in, and then all of a sudden the coach turns into a pumpkin and the footmen turn back into mice, and Barack Obama goes back to the -- God forbid -- the kitchen. And in that context, "fairy tale" is probably the kind of loaded language that Republicans in particular would get slammed on given the fact that Obama himself is what he calls a hope monger.

MADDOW: I mean, I will say, there's something going on here, which is that, on the Democratic side, the two front-runners right now are an African-American man and a white woman. And we have never had that situation before in politics. And there's something going on with both the coverage of Obama and Clinton, which is pundits feel like, I feel, treat them in a way that is weirdly patronizing. Whether it's the metaphors, whether it's Chris Matthews actually reaching out and grabbing Hillary Clinton's cheek, whether -- I mean, even just today, while we have been discussing this, Michael, you described -- you used terms likes Barack Obama getting back in the kitchen or him being exotic.

I mean, there's stuff that is -- there's the language that is used, there are techniques that are used to describe and talk about these candidates that I think is -- looks uncomfortably like patronizing them. And it feels racist and gendered (ph) to me in a way that I think a lot of people, potential voters, react to.

MEDVED: Well, it seems to me that, first of all, I'm doing those phrases, obviously, in quotes to deal with the fact that people do recognize that this is a history-making campaign. Either way the Democrats vote, they're going to be making history, which is one of the reasons, it seems to me, that one of the problems in everything that we've been talking about is that if Democrats do what Republicans have done to Republicans' detriment, and start going back and arguing "about the past," who took this position on the war five years ago and three years ago, that's going to hurt them.