Guests? We don’t need no stinking guests!!!

FROM THE ENDLESS CAMPAIGN

John McCain is narrowing down his choices for VP. No real surprises – it’s a bunch of wacky conservatives, each loveable in their own way. Apparently, McCain requires that his potential VPs be organ donors and be under the age of 65. Are we joking? Yes.

But there’s nothing funny about this headline – ouch. Looks like the national attention span is…ooh, look: something shiny.

Oy vey! Jews in Florida have their doubts about Barack Obama. If we can’t count on the Jews to vote for the black guy, we might be in trouble. On the upside, more and more writers and pundits put Obama at the top of any Democratic ticket.

IN THE MELANGE

Ellen Degeneres invited John McCain to her decidedly gay wedding. After his amazingly awkward response, Ellen whipped out her famous girl-on-girl charm and diffused the situation. But all the jokes in the world won’t make this issue go away – or this one. Some cyborgs see benefits to allowing gay marriage and increased gay rights. On the other hand, here’s a Fox News piece that seriously tackles the question of whether or not homosexuality is “natural”. Gulp. We’re in trouble, folks. Back to you, Ellen.

A former Guantanamo detainee says he wasn’t “Water-Boarded” – he was “Water-Treated”, a method of physical interrogation that is just as vicious but sounds more like a spa treatment. The point is, CIA officials have once again found a way to dance around the concept of torture and manipulate the meanings of words. Damn, they’re good.

Still think God doesn’t exist? Hey Christopher Hitchens – explain this!

This viral video is too long and ultimately kind of disappointing. 1.3 billion people can be wrong.