Preview: Bill Clinton v George W Bush Smackdown
Wednesday November 4, 2009 1:38 a.m.
Former Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush are scheduled to appear on the same stage at the "Minds That Move The World" series at Radio City Music Hall on February 25, 2010. Air America has obtained an exclusive preview from the upcoming event.
Moderator: What do you think was the biggest accomplishment of your presidency?
Clinton: I take great pride in all of the work that we did for the middle class during my presidency, and all of the progress we made on education, including expanding student loan availability.
Bush: Yeah. I mean, "Yes." I would have to go along with Bill on that there. Heh. My presidency did good on the middle class. We ensured that they had excellent access to credit cards, and could get a home loan as long as they wanted one, or even if the didn't. I am also proud of making sure that Iraqis and Afghanistanians got to see our excellent Halliburton facilities in their countries. That was good.
Moderator: What do you think of your decision Mr. Clinton, to enact Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and your decision, Mr. Bush to keep it in place?
Clinton: That was strategically necessary at the time, but as it stands now, it needs to be repealed.
Bush: I don't believe DDT is dangerous at all. Farmers have been using it for years.
Moderator: Mr. Bush, what do you think of Secretary Clinton, and the job she is doing as Secretary of State?
Bush: Well, I think she is doing what she feels she needs to feel like she's doing, and she's doing it the way she feels she should.
Clinton: Great. Super. She's doing great.
Moderator: This question is for both of you, what kind of a job is Barack Obama doing as president?
Clinton: Mr. Obama is a very smart man, and he is making all of the right decisions for this country using his strong intellect and acute political skills.
Bush: Made a mess of the economy, don't you think?
Moderator: Do you have any regrets about your presidency?
Clinton: I should have tried harder to get Bin Laden, because I failed to do so. And I strongly regret the Lewinsky incident.
Bush: Boy, do I know what you mean about Bin Laden. My biggest regret was the "mission accomplished" banner. That was up there for a concert and we just forgot to take it down. I was watching SportsCenter and Cheney was microwaving his cat or something, and it just got lost in the shuffle.
Moderator: Mr. Bush, do you regret allowing torture to take place under your command?
Bush: I regret not being there to watch it.
Moderator: Mr. Clinton, has the country changed for the better or worse since you left office.
Clinton: I think that Mr. Bush's policies have failed to strengthen the country for the long term, and history will show us that.
Moderator: Mr. Bush, do you think you left the country in better or worse shape than you inherited it?
Bush: I didn't inherit anything, and I resent your implication.
There are 12 comments
Blogbob, I doubt that any of us more liberal ones can get by w/o revealing our fairly-to-very negative views of the far right - but there are limits, I guess. I hope I don't exceed them. It's always possible. I guess it's a delicate balance. I sense that the moderators don't want to shut people down completely, which is good.
Interesting that the new Terms of Service might have resulted in the removal of such satire from the site if it had been posted by a commenter, since Bush and Clinton were both presented in an unfavorable light.
Bush was the perfect president for the CEO set. Unimaginative, uninterested in reading, looking to be the dominant power without putting in the work. That's why the far right loved Sarah Palin; she would have been the perfect Bush successor. Answering Bebe @1, I think the satire of Bush was perfectly apropos.
Moderator: In terms of how eloquent President Obama's speech and talking style is, what do both of you think of this?
Clinton: He's an excellent communicator! Sure, and ah, well, it's also important to actually back up what you say, as President....at least some of the time...
Bush: That's right! 'Cause, see, Ahm the Decider!! And, Ah did a Lot of Decidin'! You can be Sure of that! Maybe I didn't sound like I had the tongue of the golden goose, but Ahm a man, and men don't need to sound like sissies! They don't need to be "elleysquint" or anything...anyway, I like Elle McPherson, and she don't have a squint, so let's leave off makin' fun of her...okay?
Moderator: You don't even have a rudimentary grasp of the English language, let alone knowledge of even the simplest rules of grammar, Mr. Bush.
Bush: But Ahm *still* the Decider!
Moderator: Well, you *were* the Decider, that's true.
Clinton: Of a Lot of stupid-a$$ sh*t, I might add...
Bush: But at least *I* Decided it!!!
Clinton: Cheney helped out....
Bush: Everyone always making fun at my expense account of humor! Sure, the language of the Queen's tongue....not that I know what her damn tongue looks like....hell no! Ah don't even Go there....Condi's maybe a different story....anyway, I digest...where the helll was Ah?Well, see, wordy tongues ain't mah strength, yah know? They ain't mah fort-of-the-day, (whatever the Hell That is)....anyway, Ahm Still a Decider! Not a talker! Ya want a damn talker, ya got Obama! Hope y'all happy, now! Heh heh heh....
Clinton: You're an illiterate boor, too.
Moderator: And a bore....
Bush: Huh, you people are jealous! Well, history will show that Ahm the Decider! Ah also got Jesus, the Christ of the Decider, on **mah** side! He's a Decider, too! Not, ah mean to say, that wimpy, peace-loving guy, but the Real, gung-ho Macho Jesus; he's a Real Decider-Dude. You people keep mockin' me, and you wait: Jesus is going to decide your butt Right into Hell! Ahm the Decider, Dammit! The Decider....
Clinton/Moderator: How's this then: *Decide* To Shut-Up, Already!
Audience: (vigorous applause)!!!
Bush (whimpering): Ahm the Decider....the Decider...Cheney just helped out with the details, but Ah Still Decided 'em! Decider....ahm the Decider...
A Moderator has removed this comment due to a Terms of Service violation.
Some of the best wry satire I have been privileged to read and/or hear in a long time.
Great job.
And yes, to those indignant, it's a fictitious writing, and if you pause without going on a short fuse into vitriolic hyperbole, you'll see that. Now, whether you agree that it is funny, or in bad taste (no funny), is entirely another matter, for one and all, and each is duly entitled to his/her opinion.
:)
@6 Rey
Ummm.....I really hate to break this to you, but.......the article was a joke. Yes, Bush and Clinton will debate, but it isn't scheduled to happen until February. Yes, Bush is as dumb as a bag of hammers, but I doubt even he will utter any of the things in the article. If need be, he can be wired to have answers provided to him from someone backstage, just like in his debates.
I can't believe that Bush said all of that and it is going to be released for public view.
About DDT, DDT is a very dangerous pesticide. Who translated DADT to DDT for Bush???? Was Don't ask don't tell harder to understand than dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane so he removed the A to answer an easier question?
It should be absolutely hilarious, even funnier than Will Ferrell's one man show as Bush! As soon as you see Bush appear with anyone who can complete a full, coherent sentence while he babbles on and smirks about nothing, you will once again remember the embarrassment of having this overage frat boy as president.
Well now as Ron White once said "you can't fix STUPID"
Bush sounds downright smart in this peace, what a great president he was all us miss him.
Oh, and while we're at it throw in a Dick Cheney v. Al Gore or Joe Biden thing for maximum entertainment.
Now won't this be fun. Time to put your impression of President Bush to rest, don't you think.
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